Emotional Infidelity: How You Got Into It, How To Get Out Of it Written on November 21, 2009, by Stan J. Van Sant.
Do you strongly suspect that either you or your partner is involved in something improper, something outside the boundary of the promises you made to one another? If so, you may be experiencing the highly charged world of emotional infidelity. It is not all that different from the normal infidelity. There is still the deep hurt and confusion. The feeling of loss and betrayal, and, of course, a passionate anger for the one betrayed.
And, how, exactly, is emotional infidelity defined? It is simply when one partner in a committed union becomes emotionally drawn to someone outside the boundaries of that relationship. Sex is not a part of it, not currently anyway. But still, the new wandering creates a distance and a doubt between the committed partners. And, as that distanced grows so does the feeling of isolation, which can quickly lead to bitterness.
The situation is instantly dangerous because the involved partner does not really feel they have done any wrong. That doesn’t come until later when events catch up to them. But, right now, what’s so wrong about having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex? There isn’t anything sexual going on, so what can be wrong? But, make no mistake, these types of situations invariably lead to trouble of one kind or another.
If you fear your spouse or significant other may be entangled in an emotional affair, you should be keenly aware of how they spend their time, private and otherwise. Are they now seeking time away from you when you are both free, time you once shared? Have the become emotionally distant and reclusive? Are they disinterested when you attempt to discuss details of their personal life? And, are they spending a lot of free time away from you, even while in the same house – for instance, a lot of time on the computer in the privacy of a study or den?
Maybe you are the one that finds themselves in this type of emotional entanglement. Do you: find yourself making secret plans for the times when just the two of can speak together, with no one else around? This could be via phone or email, it doesn’t necessarily have to be in person. Does your significant other know anything about these get-togethers? Do you feel a sexual chemistry that you can’t deny, even though you may try? Are you now sharing intimate things that you only previously shared with your spouse or partner? If any of this sound remotely familiar, you may be entangled in an emotional infidelity.
There are measures you can take that offer a safeguard against an indiscretion. First, and most importantly, don’t say or anything away from you spouse or partner that you would not do in front of them. If you can follow that simple rule, you should do alright. Guard against making special time that does not involve your partner. And, include them in whatever plans to have away from home.
If you believe you may be involved in an emotional infidelity and wish to end it: really put a stop to it. No messy around. Be firm and upfront. Don’t leave the smallest room for doubt. Afterward, attempt to figure out what was missing from your relationship with your significant other and assume the responsibility for it. If you are responsible, you can change.
Visit Stan’s site at Steps to Surviving Infidelity to get more great tips on what to do about emotional infidelity.
categories: emotional infidelity
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